In-Novo (=into the new; restore/renew-the) Heart

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It’s been a busy week, wait no, make that a couple of months. My blogging has become ridiculously sporadic but I'm trying to make it up now. And I know I am not alone in this. If you are reading this, let me say THANK YOU, for taking the time and for bothering to open up this ol' dusty blog of mine. I’m practicing gratitude (as what I found out here -upworthy) and also trying to find enjoyment in the small things…because I believe that will result in happiness overall. BUT before that can continue..I need to allow myself to breakdown first. We won't know, savor and enjoy our happiness if we do not acknowledge the downs, the sad parts, negative experiences in our lives.

For the past few weeks or even months, we have received a lot of bad news back-to-back, some of you may shrug it off, while others are overly affected. The mayhem in Zamboanga has just settled. The tragedy of our "Public Servants", in pork barrel scam investigation is still ongoing. Those are man-made tragedies, but then, nature showed her might. Instead of the usual typhoon, it was an earthquake that registered 7.2 in the Richter scale that hit hardest in Bohol and Cebu.

Although things are moving forward, with the slow-pace justice moving and the show of bayanihan spirit by Filipinos in collecting, donating and sending relief goods and operations to Bohol, I remain somewhat stuck.

Before the earthquake struck (about a week before), I received bad news on my email. I read the email (a sort of expectations-setting letter from that pretty lady) and I immediately shut myself off from anything I could feel. On instinct, I focused like I never before, narrowed my vision into a funnel of objectivity and the occasional positive self-talk, just to continue-on and just so I could focus doing my work & get through that day.

The thought of crying like a baby crossed my mind, but I have done that once before. It was ugly, I did not want to experience that again. My Industrial_Engineer+Vulcan mode was ON and has concluded that emotion becomes counterproductive when there is a more efficient action. It's hardly useful to collapse into a puddle of tears because it's a non-value adding activity. There isn't a witness to my sorrow or an ear for my words, and often the best solution is to pick yourself up, keep calm and carry on, with the rationale that being busy might actually help.

For some weird reason, I did not think of replying in words, but rather in-kind. Surprisingly, I found myself buying a single white rose, got a single piece of post-it and wrote a short thank you note (probably the 33rd love note I gave to one person; this must be the result of my mind-setting for some reason) which I gave to her in person.

With all the tragedies going on, I told myself "I have no right to be sad, because my sadness is incomparable to the sadness that others are experiencing; the deaths of loved ones from man-made and natural calamity is far more note-worthy to experience sadness."

This usually works for work-related stress, managing difficult people but who am I kidding? This is simply not applicable to the "matters of the heart."

What triggered this blog post was an episode of Criminal Minds season 8 (movies, series are my source of psychology/sociology learning aside from books of Malcom Gladwell), where Spencer Reid's Love Story concluded in tragedy and add to that, some short, weird and long conversations with friends from different parts of my life. And here's what I want to share, a couple of quotes:

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves
                alone--we find it with another. We do not discover the secret of our lives
                merely by study and calculation in our own isolated meditations. The meaning
                of our life is a secret that has to be revealed to us in love, by the one we
                love. And if this love is unreal, the secret will not be found, the meaning
                will never reveal itself, the message will never be decoded. At best, we will
                receive a scrambled and partial message, one that will deceive and confuse us.
                We will never be fully real until we let ourselves fall in love--either with
                another human person or with God."    

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”

-Thomas Merton

"I've had this job for about 10 years now and I enjoy it, but these couple of months, I've gotten only a taste of what you have. Don't get me wrong about Work… there’s always work, and there’ll always be work, what’s rare is finding someone who makes us happy" -Spencer Reid

Learning comes in many forms: classroom, computer based training, observing, TV, reflecting and the like.  But to reflect, we need to take a moment and step back, otherwise the lesson can come and go without us realizing it. Too many things can take priority and deflect our energy or thoughts away from ourselves. Which is my, these are one of those instances that I need to write down and blog out my thoughts. But I still have this lingering question in my brain "Which is better/Worse? Would you rather have a broken heart or a rejected heart?" (Maybe I'll tackle those two in another weird blog post later.)

You're probably thinking... why do you seem so calm? you should be like WW3 or something. One of my friends whom I shared that email reacted: " sad, so hurtful,... that B*ch!!" HAhahHahahah The older ones had a different perspective wherein they shared, "it was a good thing that expectations were set early on."

When everyday seems the same, or seems to get worse every second, it is because we have stopped noticing the good things that appear and/or happening in our lives. And then I always remember this story that I've almost memorized (which is a good example I may use in upcoming speaking engagements):

There is a Native American tale that tells of a young boy speaking with his grandmother. She tells the boy that she has the spirit of two wolves living and battling inside of her; one is vengeful and unkind, as he sees all the world as a threat, and the other is loving, secure, and nurturing.

The little boy asks his grandmother, “Which one will end up winning?” and the grandmother replies, “Which ever one I feed.”

We all have this pull inside of us: We can either nurture our fears and insecurities, or we can nurture our trust in love, kindness, and acceptance.

Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over.

They say part of the happiness journey is realizing and being happy with what we have in front of us right now. And, as others have noted, it is simplicity, savoring the moment, and surrounding yourself with happy people.

This does not mean that I have successfully gotten through this. I for one do not believe that something can be completely defined as a Success. I'm not successful at all, I'm still a work in progress..

I guess, a little faith works in times like these too. And if you are probably going through a similar thing, then allow me to not waste your time in reading: 

Friend, you don’t have to worry about your future. You don’t have to try to make things happen in your own strength. You can go through the day in peace because God knows exactly what you need. In your future, He has already lined up the right people, the right breaks, the good words you’re going to need down to the second, down to the exact moment. Like that woman, God will cause you to come in on cue. And if for some reason it doesn’t work out, don’t get all discouraged. Don’t get depressed. That just means that God has something better in store. It means He has a bigger opportunity in your future. He orders your steps, so keep your faith and trust in Him. :D

And if those quotes don't help..put your hand on your heart and just say #AllIsWell #Repeat

Till the next journey in love..

Once again, Thanks for reading!!
In-Novo (=into the new; restore/renew-the) Heart In-Novo (=into the new; restore/renew-the) Heart Reviewed by Vernon Joseph Go on Wednesday, October 30, 2013 Rating: 5

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