REALITY gave me a slap on the face – part 2

PLASTICITY – It is when I wear my mask when all my inhibitions are lost…

After those 2 inspirational speeches, was the awards ceremony….another slap (its as if I was in pokemon, I would get a doubleslap from a pokemon). During the presentation, I just realized that I was forcing myself in every way. I already new that there was a strain in the group and I was in a way disappointed with our performance but I just wore my smiley mask diligently. I just found out how really damaged I was, how sad, and pathetic this life I am living.

Now, back to the awards..I don’t really care much for personal awards in general but at the back of my mind, the Team Awards was my target. I said to myself almost 2 years ago to no longer seek personal excellence but rather for a glory that is shared. But a slap on face just shocked the hell out of me: It is easier said than done.

I sat back facing the stage, at first preparing to grab my mask but eventually wore it. I never thought I would do that again, I am simply too nice, too non-confrontational and its taking a toll on my life. While sitting there I was thinking…What a good liar I was to myself…”Daghan nag naka tambag nko pero wala ko naminaw believing that everything will work out…it did actually but it was not excellent for the input wasn’t so the output is just so-so. I thought I had given my all but deep-down the effort I gave was simply “The tip of the iceburg.”

While browsing my pictures in my cam, I just saw someone who is a mess. Usually when a speaking engagement was coming, I make it an extra effort to prepare physically, mentally and emotionally. But on the day I was in a way “Ga-tama”; I had enough sleep, woke up early but decided to be late; I didn’t really put much effort on the physical either, my wardrobe choice sucked totally and didn’t even use my gel (I usually try to look good for success or failure); Mentally I wasn’t prepared (Didn’t review the slide & hardcopy), I thought I cared but unconsciously it was the opposite (Looking at the pics, my body language says it all); And the one thing I really didn’t do that I usually do before…seeking spiritual guidance, a prayer.

I was a ticking time bomb, I unconsciously was setting up for failure. Even now at my work, I am not giving much effort to it and it is really shocking to know that this is what I have become. I am once again thrust into the crossroads of life, I am forced to make a big decision on which path I should take: A decision with regards to my work, with my current endeavors, my passion and overall about my current state.

I need to re-assess myself…badly

See the Part 3 here
REALITY gave me a slap on the face – part 2 REALITY gave me a slap on the face – part 2 Reviewed by Vernon Joseph Go on Tuesday, September 08, 2009 Rating: 5


  1. aaaawwww. okay ra nah angkul oi. you could always do better. it's never too late to improve. and you should be constantly improving. kaizen. live with that. ;)

  2. yap! sumtimes maabut juD sa atung laYp na mag ing ani tah sa atung seLf.. dli mana malikayan!

    peru g lng.. thats part oF it..
    go on wd life... u Cud do more.. believe in youRseLf.. dghan pang mga adLAw...

  3. Life is full of challenges and trials. It doesn't matter how many times you fall but what matters most is how you get up and continue the fight. Every mistakes teach you a lesson. Learning from your mistakes is the real essence of becoming a better person. Let go and enjoy the beauty of life. You are a great person and you should believe in yourself always. Smile and be happy!

    P.S. I suggest you change the title of blog. *wink* peace

  4. vernon.. just want to share my opinion about your thoughts.. With regards to your feelings ba, i tink ur expectations is just to high and what makes u more frustrated, its because the level of expectation man na imu gi set para sa imu mga ka group mates s taas ra pud which is understandable ra man based on how u know them (potential sa imu ka group mates). Vernon i tink the commitment is still there but i guess as what u have said na it disappeared and u dont know y, i tink its because of "PRIORITY".