For some weird reason, it's been ten years or so since that day. I was barely coping with puberty and hormonal chaos when I learned that my mother had breast cancer. We all know how scary and devastating cancer can be but most people only tunnel-vision the victim. Cancer causes dramatic changes in family dynamics, how a family deals with this change can impact each person's psychological and physical well-being (We can even add there the spiritual and socio-economical strains).
FEAR - because the only exposure they have had with cancer is that people who have had cancer have died (I had a cousin who died of leukemia). Therefore cancer means death to them.
ANGER - reaction to feeling angry may be to act out or the like (random short-tempers)
ISOLATION - may isolate themselves from everyone as a way of coping (Well, you can't really find people experiencing the same thing)
SADNESS - is also an overwhelming feeling that they will encounter or depression
My dilemma at the time was basically me trying to break away & become 'an individual' but severe illness forced one back to the family w/ a pinch of social isolation. One can feel completely powerless to the disease.
In school, I was literally a zombie (even before the walking dead, ..etc. became famous), day-by-day trying to survive the day. A daily dose of heaviness, of endless routines, of forgetting how to smile; because of the strain of the situation, I would often wake up each day and whisper to myself "Don't be a burden.."
My routine for 3 years was simple: "Go to school-try not to fail any subjects-play football/magic.the.gathering-fetch my sister in school-go to mom's office-go home together."
Three years? After the diagnosis, treatment will immediately commence and dosage will depend on one's financial health and severity of the disease. Regular check ups were done and re-treatment in case of recurrence. In some cases surgery is necessary to prevent the spread of cancer cells.
The one thing I could do during the time I guess was becoming a 'Spotter,' for I didn't know the right words to say or the right things to do. We go home together since my dad is an OFW and for the most part was overseas, and she may need emergency assistance while travelling. She may get dizzy or nauseated while driving the car, she will rest and then carry on the task.
I knew about society's pressure of 'looking good' - and there my mom would do her daily routine: wear a wig, and an artificial breast implant to conform to society. But I also knew my mom was feeling insecure, the fear, the pain but yet on the outside, she didn't show any fear, frown, complaint, and not even a tear.
I guess this is what true strength is; Strong people know how to keep their lives in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they manage to say I'm ok with a smile.
|Use your smile to change the world. Don't let the world change your smile.|
Quoting from the movie 'The Vow': I guess this is one of my moments of impact that I experience in this good earth, that are of high intensity that end up defining who we are. These moments of impact send some particles closer than before, while others spin off where you never thought you’d find them. Life's all about that, the moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them? I guess you've got to let the colliding particles fall where they may and hope that the particles find their way back to each other or create paths anew.
|Of continually overcoming the #1 fear in the world --basically we fear to stand out for fear of rejection. We think all eyes are solely on us and the universe will change based on this one episode|
"Teachers affect eternity; they affect eternity because to teach is to touch lives forever...They give their time, which is in a way giving away a portion of one’s life that can never be given back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Relationships take time & effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E, because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves."
|winning the CAMMA 2011 for Best in personal website w/ nominee & finalist Ed +photo by Doi -substitute parents sa event? hehe|
|My so-called Travel Pose (Where the heck am I?)|
Thank you for teaching me INNER STRENGTH and also for making remember how to SMILE!
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”-Paulo Coelho
Well, now that you know a huge chunk of my past and why in some ways I am a bit clueless and a late-bloomer... what do you think?
This is my entry for Globe Tattoo’s Greatness Starts @Home Blogging Contest.
"Blogging contests gives bloggers an excuse to produce the best write-up they can muster." :P
Tears are indeed words that need to be written, hence blogged! Happy Blogging.